Finally legal, got my iPod. Thursday was a gigantic guilt trip, the whole time I ate I felt bad. I did decent at avoiding the leftovers but the cake was impossible to ignore friggin moist cake. I had heartburn so bad before I went to bed last night that it literally burned my throat, and I've got no clue why or how I had it. Ah well, it's almost gone now. And I've evidently murdered my computer so it will not be working anytime soon. R.I.P. my poor computer, it was fun while it lasted.

As usual right before my birthday mom always finds a reason to be pissed at me, usually this happens a few days before my birthday and on the day of my birthday she randomly decides she's not mad anymore. One year she was actually mad at me on my birthday and didn't even talk to me until a few days later! She doesnt pay any attention at all, she doesn't even notice when I skip a meal or go to the bathroom after eating even the tiniest amount of food. She is so self absorbed that right now I can't stand her I don't even think she loves me anymore because if she's not yelling at me she's on the computer, she's in her room asleep or she's butting into peoples life ruining their babies first moments. I'm just done with all the crap and I'm sorry that I'm ruining her life and that I wasn't good enough as a kid so she has to go after her friends kids. She thinks it's funny because she thinks I'm jealous but I'm not, she makes me feel useless and stupid. Maybe if I'm skinny and not eating her food she'll love me.

So thanksgiving is Thursday and it also happens to be my birthday and I've decided that as of midnight this morning I'm not eating/drinking anything except water until Thursday because there's going to be so much food and sweets and then I'll probably fast for a couple days after or take laxatives the day of, if I can get any that is. I'll probably go to portsmouth with a friend saturday so I'll have to figure out how to avoid eating that day....I ate a burger from burger king today but since I was home alone I just ate half of it then threw up and trashed the other half. So good luck everyone and I promise to be on more often as soon as I can threaten Geoffrey into fixing my computer that's upstairs, hopefully he'll do it later on today or tomorrow then I'll be more sociable lol.

So I've been pretty bad lately @ kind of straying away from my diet, just slipped a few times but I was just reminded why i decided to do this in the first place. My dads working midnights right now and he gets bored and txts me, well we were joking around and for some reason he sent me a picture. The first thing I thought when seeing the picture was jesus christ who is that fat lady, hasn't she ever heard of a diet?! Then I looked at the picture closer and I realized it was me. I can only imagine that this is what people think when they see me. I'm absolutely disgusting and I can't stand it anymore it's one thing when you think how disgusting you are when you are knowingly looking in a mirror but it's completely embarassing when you can't even recognize you're own sickening self in a picture just because you didn't expect the picture to be of you. I have to stop. It's final.

Im at an amazing restaraunt called Fat Pattys, true to its name its got great food that is full of grease and deep fried. My parents must hate me, someone please stop me before I eat. I'll update later = (